May 13, 2012

A Letter of Valeriu Gafencu To His Mother

7 March 1946

My beloved mom, I saw you in the heart of Norika [his sister], when she visited. You were good, gentle, very understanding. I remained silent and looked within myself. There I found love ... Today I'm so happy! I look calmly at my life and life around the world and see God's intervention in everything. I look at our lives and see the miracle of God.

My dear mom, I feel you so much! Tell me mom that you feel my love! Tell me mom that you always feel me by your side! Tell me mom you're happy! I have so much to tell you, mom! At night I wake up from sleep and pray. I send my thoughts to my mom and then there is so much peace within me! And I feel my dad, I feel the endless love. And I often think of the love you had for my father. What a beautiful family you have created! And what beautiful love!

Mom, remember the summer days when I was a student in high school and we were walking together in our garden, among the trees. I remember what thoughts you had and you told me about my future.

My primary thoughts then were that I would become a man of great value. I meant by this to become a man who played a great role in history and bring many good things to the nation. I wanted to do much good in the world, but man plans and God decides. Life has followed its rapid and imposing journey. I arrived by myself to the University in Iasi. There I saw that truly there is opened for me a great future. I lived a normal life, I was one of the most gifted students, a friend of all, with an unusual thirst for the ideals of a new world, in which govern love and justice, the perfect harmony.

Well, I arrived in prison. I knew that my prison life would bring, through suffering and isolation from the world, many problems. I do believe that I suffer for the truth. This circumstance has brought to my soul a deep peace. I was satisfactorily fulfilling the course of my ideal.

And, my beloved mother, I want you to know that I have suffered much. The first winter I would wake up at night from my sleep, and the loneliness of my incarceration, cold and hungry, I would look into the darkness and whispering low, so that I only heard myself, but loud enough for God to hear: "Mom, I'm cold, hungry!"

At first it was very difficult. But God was always with me. He did not forsake me even a moment. I began to confront my bodily sufferings, and slowly began to savor new joys. I saw that I am a sinful man. I am appalled by my sins and my weaknesses. I realized then that I, who wished with all my heart for an ideal world, was a sinner. Therefore, I first had to become a pure new man. And so I began to war with the evil that was inside me.

Slowly there descended upon me the light of truth. I began to live the happiness in pain. And the hole in my heart was overfilled by Christ, my great love. And I realized then that truly great is he who has this great love, though he seems small. Today I am happy. Through Christ I love everyone. It is a difficult journey for these things to be accepted and known by the people! But I am very convinced that it is the only path that leads to happiness.

Translated by John Sanidopoulos