Saint Sophia of Suzdal (+ 1542)

St. Sophia of Suzdal (Feast Day - December 16);
17th cent. wonderworking icon of the Saint

Saint Sophia, in the world known as Solomonia Saburov, the Grand Princess, was the daughter of the boyar Yuri Saburov. In the year 1505 she was chosen as a bride by the heir to the throne, the future Great Prince Basil III, out of a choice of 500 potential brides. She was the first boyar princess, as opposed to a foreigner or noble. Their marriage was unhappy, because Solomonia remained childless, so Basil divorced her with the approval of Metropolitan Daniel and the boyars. Basil perfectly understood that if he died childless his brothers would inherit the throne. In order to preclude this scenario, they were incarcerated or forbidden to marry until his own son was born. In the long term, this led to the extinction of the Rurikid dynasty and to the succession crisis known as the Time of Troubles.

Saint Fabiola of Rome (+ 399)

St. Fabiola of Rome (Feast Day - December 27);
Jean-Jacques Henner painted this portrait of Fabiola (in a classical Roman profile) in 1885;
this idealized rendition of the Saint was lost in 1912.

Saint Fabiola belonged to the patrician Roman family of the gens Fabia. She had been married to a man who led so vicious a life that to live with him was impossible. She obtained a divorce from him according to Roman law and, contrary to the ordinances of the Church, she entered upon a second union before the death of her first husband.

At the time of Saint Jerome's stay at Rome (382-84), Fabiola was not one of the ascetic circle which gathered around him. It was only later that, upon the death of her second consort, she decided to enter upon a life of renunciation and labor for others. On the day before Easter, following the death of her second consort, she appeared before the gates of the Lateran Basilica, dressed in penitential garb, and did public penance for her sin, which made a great impression upon the Christian population of Rome. The Pope received her formally again into full communion with the Church.

Saint Nonna as a Model for our Lives

St. Nonna (Feast Day - August 5)

By Protopresbyter Fr. George Papavarnavas

Saint Nonna was born in 304 in Arianzo of Cappadocia, which was near the city of Nazianzus. Her parents were named Philtatios and Gorgonia. Her husband Gregory was a pious man, but he had embraced the heresy of the Hypsistarians, who were called this because they believed the Most-High (Hypsistos) God was not Triune. Yet Saint Nonna, through patience, love and her fervent prayers, managed to bring him back to the Orthodox faith. He was baptized in 325, became a Cleric, and even became one of the best Bishops of the Church.

The Wives of Priests as Heroic Women

On March 8th, which is International Women's Day in the United Nations, Presvytera Barbara Metallinos spoke about the role of women and especially the role of the wife of a priest in contemporary society. Presvytera Barbara, a theologian and scholar in her own right, is the wife of the distinguished scholar Protopresbyter Fr. George Metallinos, and is President of the Association of the Unborn Child "The Embrace" in Athens. For half a century she has stood by the side of her husband and has much wise advice for women today who decide to become heroic women as wives of priests.

Saints Chrysanthos and Daria as Models for our Lives

Holy Martyrs Chrysanthos and Daria (Feast Day - March 19)

By Protopresbyter Fr. George Papavarnavas

Saints Chrysanthos and Daria lived in the third century. Saint Chrysanthos was the son of the pagan ruler Polemon. However, he was catechized in the faith of Christ and baptized by a certain Bishop. His father, who was soon informed, tried in different ways to dissuade him, but to no avail. Then the devil whom he worshiped, since idols are energized by demons, advised him to do for his son what he did for Adam. In other words, he dragged him towards disobedience and took him out of Paradise through Eve.

When Elder Porphyrios Prevented A Divorce

A spiritual child of Elder Porphyrios, who went by the initials L.A., recalls the following:

Our marriage began with the best of presuppositions and from the start Elder Porphyrios, whom we often telephoned, told us not to avoid having children.

A little later, after our child was born, we did not get along and we decided to get a divorce. We also had something against the Elder, may God forgive us. Instead of foreseeing our marriage dissolution with his gift of which we had personal experience, he encouraged us to have children.

However, when our infant began to grow up we became conscious of the fact that it would be criminal if we got a divorce. So we forgot our differences and decided to make up despite the fact that we would both have preferred a divorce. (We saw no other way out.)

Three years before his death, Elder Porphyrios told us, "If you didn't have that child you would now be divorced and God only knows what would have happened to you. That's why I told you to have a child. You saved your marriage which is sacred, like all the Sacraments of the Church."

He continued, "You'll create a happy family if you always think of this image which I'll now describe to you. Your child will hold each of you by the hand. He will walk ahead to show you the road and you will follow."

Source

Another spiritual child, Mr. N.N., recalls:

A young lady, a friend of mine, was engaged. At one stage, some differences between her and her fiance cropped up. Neither the girl, nor her mother, who knew about the whole affair, told the father what was happening. At one particular moment, during the course of things, it looked like the engagement was going to be broken off.

One afternoon, Elder Porphyrios called my home. I was absent at the time, he told my wife to tell me to go and see him as soon as possible.

I went to the Elder straight away, who started talking about the girl's fiance, as soon as I went in. He started describing his character to me and telling me that he was a reliable fellow. I had no idea about the differences that the girl had with her fiance and couldn't understand why he was telling me those things. "Elder," I asked, "Why are you telling me this? What's happening?"

He replied, "Her parents are a couple of egotists and they gave birth to another egotist. Instead of doing what she should do, before God, she judges everything in a worldly way. That's why she misunderstood certain things and is now ready to break off her engagement. Her fiance may have been a little misled by his family, but he's basically a good chap."

When I returned home I called the girl's mother and the girl herself. I told them what Elder Porphyrios had told me. I asked them both to go and see the Elder the next morning and to talk with him. They went; the matter was sorted out, and the girl got married. She now lives happily with her husband and children.

Source

On the Pain of Being Permanently Separated From A Spouse

By St. John the Prophet

Question 129: What should I do? For my sorrow at being separated from my wife is persisting violently.*

Response: It is written about man and woman: "The two shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). Therefore, just as if you were to cut off a member of your own flesh, the rest of the body would also be in pain for a while, until the wound is healed and the pain subsists; so is it necessary for you to be in pain for a while, since your very own flesh has been cut away.

* Written by a monk, named Theodore.

From The Letters of Saints Barsanuphios and John; translated by John Chryssavgis.

Orthodoxy and Divorce

From an interview with Metropolitan Hierotheos of Nafpaktos:

Question: Statistics say that in some countries of the EU more than half of all marriages end up in divorce. Do you think that besides social there are also spiritual reasons for the alarming dissolution of the family in modern societies, and consequently, what precise attitudes and measures could be taken by the Orthodox community to resist this trend?

Answer: The cause of divorces is the various passions developing in man, such as self-love, indulgence, and selfishness.

When one reads the Service of the Mystery of Marriage carefully, one will find out that the joint life of man and woman, which must be in Christ, is lived within a certain framework. When someone trespasses this framework, he first experiences what is called emotional divorce and then he ends up in a final divorce.

The way the Dance of Isaiah is performed during the Mystery of Marriage is indicative. The priest leads the couple, holding the Gospel and chanting “Holy Martyrs who have fought well and have been crowned”. This means that the steps of the new couple will resemble martyrdom and this is why the Priest should always be ahead of them to guide them on the basis of the Gospel. This means that there is asceticism within the marriage, the asceticism of the Church. When this is not observed, marriage is secularized.

Orthodox Communities should help people from their young age to learn clearly what the purpose of man’s existence is, what the purpose of marriage is and what its conclusion is. Because the purpose of marriage is not simply a social cohabitation but the experiencing of Paradise on earth and a road that leads to Paradise.

From Sobornost, September 2006.

When Marriage Makes One A Philosopher

The following advice is given by St. John Chrysostom for married couples who seek a divorce; that it is better to become a philosopher in such matters rather than interrupt the union of a husband and wife, which is forbidden by the Church and discouraged at all costs even if lawful.

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

"This is the higher philosophy, not only not to requite evil with evil, but to render good for evil." - St. John Chrysostom

By St. John Chrysostom

Though she be poor do not upbraid her: though she be foolish, do not trample on her, but train her rather: because she is a member of you, and you have become one flesh. "But she is trifling and drunken and passionate." You ought then to grieve over these things, not to be angry; and to beseech God, and exhort her and give her advice, and do every thing to remove the evil. But if you strike her thou dost aggravate the disease: for fierceness is removed by moderation, not by rival fierceness.

With these things bear in mind also the reward from God: that when it is permitted you to cut her off, and you do not so for the fear of God, but bearest with so great defects, fearing the law appointed in such matters which forbids to put away a wife whatsoever disease she may have: you shall receive an unspeakable reward. Yea, and before the reward you shall be a very great gainer, both rendering her more obedient and becoming yourself more gentle thereby. It is said, for instance, that one of the heathen philosophers, who had a bad wife, a trifler and a brawler, when asked, "Why, having such an one, he endured her;" made reply, "That he might have in his house a school and training-place of philosophy. For I shall be to all the rest meeker," says he, "being here disciplined every day." Did you utter a great shout? Why, I at this moment am greatly mourning, when heathens prove better lovers of wisdom than we; we who are commanded to imitate angels, nay rather who are commanded to follow God Himself in respect of gentleness.

But to proceed: it is said that for this reason the philosopher having a bad wife, cast her not out; and some say that this very thing was the reason of his marrying her. But I, because many men have dispositions not exactly reasonable, advise that at first they do all they can, and be careful that they take a suitable partner and one full of all virtue. Should it happen, however, that they miss their end, and she whom they have brought into the house prove no good or tolerable bride, then I would have them at any rate try to be like this philosopher, and train her in every way, and consider nothing more important than this. Since neither will a merchant, until he have made a compact with his partner capable of procuring peace, launch the vessel into the deep, nor apply himself to the rest of the transaction. And let us then use every effort that she who is partner with us in the business of life and in this our vessel, may be kept in all peace within. For thus shall our other affairs too be all in calm, and with tranquility shall we run our course through the ocean of the present life. Compared with this, let house, and slaves, and money, and lands, and the business itself of the state, be less in our account. And let it be more valuable than all in our eyes that she who with us sits at the oars should not be in mutiny and disunion with us. For so shall our other matters proceed with a favoring tide, and in spiritual things also we shall find ourselves much the freer from hindrance, drawing this yoke with one accord; and having done all things well, we shall obtain the blessings laid up in store; unto which may we all attain, through the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, with Whom to the Father, with the Holy Ghost, be glory, power, and honor, now and ever, and world without end. Amen.

From Homily 26 on First Corinthians.

"No-Fault Divorce": Its Atheistic and Secular Roots

"Divorce Cake"

By John Sanidopoulos

Believe it or not, no-fault divorce has its origins in early 20th century Soviet Russia. Shortly after the Russian Revolution, the Bolsheviks ratified the 1918 Decree on Divorce, which outlawed religious marriage and replaced it with civil marriage sanctioned by the state. Where prior to the revolution Orthodox Ecclesiastical Law made it extremely difficult to obtain a divorce, the 1918 decree only required couples to file a mutual consent document with the Russian Registry Office.

It wasn’t until the 1970's that the U.S. followed suit. Before then, a divorce could only be obtained through a showing of fault by one of the parties in the marriage. This meant that one spouse had to prove that the other had engaged in adultery or abandonment for the judge to approve a divorce.

In cases where neither the husband nor the wife had participated in a culpable act, attorneys often encouraged couples to stage such acts, thereby providing the grounds for a divorce. It was these “legal fictions” that prompted lawyers and judges to push for no-fault divorce laws.

The first such law, enacted in California on January 1, 1970, made it possible for couples to divorce because of mere “irreconcilable differences.” Since then, every state except New York (where both parties must notarize a separation agreement and live separately for one year before the divorce will be approved) has adopted a no-fault divorce law. Divorces today are easier to get than ever, which in part explains why marriage has become such a fragile and precarious institution.

It should be noted that if one is married in the Orthodox Church, the couple should be divorced by the Church, since the sacred union is still ecclesiastically united although violated if only a legal divorce is obtained. Being a member of the Church you profess that the Church alone has the authority to bind and to loose in the person of the bishop through his representative the priest. And the bishop can only grant a legitimate divorce where legitimate fault is found.

See also these articles:

http://www.salvomag.com/new/articles/salvo6/6baker.php

http://www.salvomag.com/new/articles/archives/sexandfamily/dvirgilio.php

From Whence It All Begins

"You teach me now how cruel you've been – cruel and false. Why did you despise me? Why did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. You have killed yourself. Yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they'll blight you – they'll damn you. You loved me – then what right had you to leave me? What right – answer me – for the poor fancy you felt for Linton? Because misery and degradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflict would have parted us, you, of your own will, did it. I have not broken your heart – you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. So much the worse for me that I am strong. Do I want to live? What kind of living will it be when you – oh, God! would you like to live with your soul in the grave?"

- Emily Bronte in Wuthering Heights